Living in arizona was really hard i was 3months pregnant josh wasn't even a year old and Richard wouldn't work. We lived with his dad and they didn't get along...i was the only one working and trying to support us I worked all the time while he watched the baby...we made a very hard decision we decided to put the baby i was carrying up for adoption....there was no way we could have taken care of two babies and i knew that our relationship would never last.

He was still very very mean to me and he started going out drinking ..on his birthday he left me at home and went to a strip club..all good and fine but when he came home drunk..he started hitting me and kicking me.the neighbor called the cops and he was maced and arrested once again i stayed by his side and bailed him out of jail. we had made arrangements to put the baby up through an agency and i went into labor on june 11th and a beautiful baby girl was born on the 12th i was in the hospital with her for 3 days and then the day came that i had to sign the papers ..let me tell you it was heartbreaking to let her go but i knew she would have a good life you see i got to pick the parents that i wanted her to go to and i just knew they would be great to her...i got pictures of her for the first 6 months then nothing.On June 12th she will be 18..i think of her often and wish i could see what she looks like today...i have signed the state registry in hopes that someday she may want to find me...so there are 2 children put up for adoption ....little did i know at the time that would not be the last child that i gave up for adoption....but i am tired right now i will continue on later tonight....
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