Let me tell you giving Josh up for adoption was the hardest thing i ever did...i loved that little boy so much ...Sad thing is i know i did what was right for him ,although it really did break my heart i turned to drugs even harder then it became a daily ritual...i was 23 yrs old and all alone again....i spent the majority of my time in local bars and hanging out high or drunk...one day i was in the local bar at like 10 am i hadn't had anything to drink or use but i was just killing time...These 2 guys one of which i had barrowed 40.00 from came in they had just got off work and were drinking heavy mind you i slept with the one named Henry before ...anyway they wanted to go to another town called homedale to drink but didn't want to drive so they asked me since i was sober if i would drive Henrys truck i said "sure"...that was my first mistake of that day...so we drove to marsing and hung out in a bar there ( i drank pepsi only so i could drive)..after about an hour they wanted to leave and Henry said he could drive so i Let him..second mistake....instead of going to homedale where they said he drove up into the owyhee mountains.They pulled off and were drinking way up in the hills...Henry started talkin crazy things like when are you gonna pay me and why dont we take it out in trade....i got mad and started walking down the hill..they got in the truck and fallowed me ..Henry pulled over and when he got out he had a gun in his hand...let me tell you i was scared so bad my legs were shakeing and i was crying and begging them to let me go...well he had other ideas...he made me take off all my clothes and preceded to rape me in the back seat of his truck then his friend joined in ....i was crying the whole time...this lasted about 3 hours..when they were done i sat stunned in theback seat of his truck while they drove me home ..i cant tell you what wa going through my mind at the time...i was in shock....they dropped me off at the house i was staying at and i went in crying..they told me not to tell or they would kill me...well first thing i did after i came out of it was walk down to the county sherriffs office right up the street and found two officers outside i asked them how i could report an attack..they led me inside and i preceded to tell them exactly what had taken place..the rape was not in that county so they called the sherriff from the county where it happend and i filed a report went to the hospital with the officer and had a rape kit done..Both men were arrested at their job that night and i had to go through a whole trial.. my father was by myside the whole time...that was hard....and talk about a screwed up judicial system ..they both pled down form kidnapping and rape to aggravated assault to wit rape. They recieved 90 days work release and 5 yrs probation and had to register as sex offenders......i have ran into him a couple of times since then and i always try to avoid him...they both went to the bars and told a completely different story and some people believed them until i showed court transcripts to them...amazingly this is the one and only time i was raped in my whole life thank god because i was never ever so scared in my whole life and never want to be that scared again.....