Wow where should i start...well i am the youngest of 6 children i have 2 brothers and 3 sisters ..although i never knew my japanese brother and sister From my fathers previous marriage...basically there is 9 yrs between me and the next youngest in my family ....by the time i was 9 i was pretty much raised an only child.
my older brother went into the Navy when i was very very small so when he came home on leave it was a Huge thing for me........i was raised by alcholic parents who spent most of the evenings in the bar downtown ...i remember from a very early age ...(like 5yrs old) them not being home until well after i was supposed to be in bed.....my sister would have to babysit me and believe me she hated it..... well on to the story, my father was a hard man to live with....especially when he drank..(which was alot)...he always expected me to ask how high when he said "Jump"..my earliest memories are my sister watching me and my brother comming home on leave ....and also going into the bar and having shirly temples..with lots of cherries..lol.
although i was never sexually abused .... i was still abused in many ways..which i will get in to later on. maybe from a childs perspective i felt neglected but really now that i am an adult i think it was more of a lack of positive reenforcement..nothing i did was ever right ...or at least that is how i felt....have you ever known someone who couldn't talk in a normal low voice ??? someone who all they could do was yell..well that was my dad...picture if you will Archie Bunker...well , you not only have a physical description of my father but an idea of what my father was like.... my parents fought alot....i remember once when i was very very little ..them comming home from the bar and fighting my mother grabbed her bottle of xanax and took a whole bunch i remember my sisters both crying and hugging her and i remember sitting on the floor not really understanding what was happening ....,( this is the first time the word suicide had come into my life) little did i know there were a whole lot more times this word would come into my world but i will tell you more of that later.....